I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
