I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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