There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
