I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
