Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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