I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
