I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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