I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize