i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
