i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
