Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
