I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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