Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
