im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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