he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize