i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
