so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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