So drunk its hurt
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
