She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
