Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
