and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
