I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
