After last night, I could never be a politician.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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