I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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