Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
