i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
