dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
