i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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