Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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