Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
you made out with another girl for some wings
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
