I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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