Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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