yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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