Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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