I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
