We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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