I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
