Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
