Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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