don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
In America we eat man semen.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
