You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
