that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize