You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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