the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
