Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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