So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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