Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
