Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
