"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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