I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
