Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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