I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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