I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
love makes seman taste better
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
