things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
