so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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