If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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