if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize