ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
