I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
