dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
