we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
