eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
