saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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