My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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