too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
