Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
