Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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