dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize