I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
