I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
