guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
