Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
