Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
