Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
