i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
