Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
