i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
