i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
